Thursday, April 12, 2012


     I would like to speak on a subject that is hardly ever talked about but prevalent in a lot of households and workplaces...VERBAL ATTACKS!  A verbal attack is when you verbally highlight every insecurity and fault that a person has, in order to hurt them, due to the fact of being hurt by them.  Although it is nothing to be proud of, I am man enough to admit that I verbally attacked one of the best people to come into my life, a dear close friend, and a person that I still need.  It was nothing that was planned and definitely nothing that was enjoyed.  There is absolutely no excuse for such behavior!  However, there are a few reasons that I won't get into here.  Just recently, I have exhibited some very uncharacteristic behavior.  I am more patient, understanding, and loyal than most; however, what I have been dealing with privately, would test the psyche of even the Dalai Lama himself.  Because of these devilish verbal attacks, I let my mouth jeopardize/ruin something extremely beautiful.  It is very unfortunate that things transpired the way they did.  Years of built up frustration, witnessing illogical choices and the complete unwillingness to be in a better, healthier situation, completely broke me down.  Whether we realize it or not, we can wind up in a horrible situation and stay for 10 plus years.  When I say horrible, I don't mean appearance wise but the underlinings would definitely rival those of a Hollywood horror.  I am not gonna sugar coat anything here.  If we are in a situation where we are not completely happy as we should be and, we know that within this situation we will NEVER be happy or none of our dreams will come true, then that is horrible state to put upon our precious mind.  Now throw in numerous infidelities. All beautiful words like DREAMS and FAITH and HOPE go out of the window.  I had a companion in such a situation.  I supplied all of the support, comfort, feelings, love and friendship to help overcome this obstacle yet it failed to register.  I am a logical person, and maybe that's a fault but I cannot understand that for the life of me.  I am willing to admit my faults.  I am very loyal!  I am very expressive!  I am very logical!  I am very confident!  I have been called too nice a guy on several occasions.  And I am, without any doubt in my mind and many others, the BEST friend you can possibly have...  Yet I felt helpless, scared, unloved, unappreciated and second rate.  Yes, I said it!  I am a man that still acts, dresses and knows for certain that I am a man but i can admit having different feelings and emotions.  The whole point of this note is to admit my short comings in all of this and not hide from a few bad actions.  I won't ever pretend like I did nothing wrong just as I won't pretend like I don't still want, need, or miss my beautiful companion.  I hope that she finds the courage and the resolve to get out of that situation and somehow she could hear these words and know that I am TRULY sorry.  Should any emergency or uncomfortable situation arise, then I am always here just like a mighty lighthouse!  People please try to refrain from verbal attacks.

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