Tuesday, January 29, 2013


     Well physical therapy was good for me.  After having spent the greater part of a month and a half in the hospital, all of my days started blurring together.  I would sleep whenever I could.  Between just being uncomfortable, to being cold, and being stuck with needles at random times throughout the day and night, I didn't have a "normal" schedule.  I am probably going through some changes due to this illness that will last me for the rest of my life.  How scary is that?  But first, I have to get stronger and walk normally again.
     I had a lot of time to think and one of the things that popped in my head was how ma petite ami treated me right before I was hospitalized and how nasty and mean she got with me.  I didn't do anything negative to her.  I wasn't feeling good and she lashed out at me.  Oh well...  She will wind up regretting her mistakes after she realizes what she lost.  And for what???  Someone knocked on my door...
     "Come in," I said loudly.
     "Hello Ricky.  How are you feeling?" the doctor asked.  He was like a Middle Eastern dude or at least he had that kind of look.  He was very short in stature.  I hadn't seen him before.
     "I'm okay; kinda tired though.  I didn't get much sleep," I answered.
     "I'm sorry to hear that.  So how's your breathing?" he asked while checking my vitals.
     "I still have shortness of breath.  Oh yeah, and I still feel that numbness in my legs and feet.  It's more intense in my feet," I explained.
     "Sorry to hear that as well.  The numbness should die down in time.  As far as the shortness of breath, it could last for a year or more.  You had a lot of scarring in your lungs," he replied.
     "That's not good cause I'm usually pretty active," I said.
     "I looked at your blood work and it shows that you need more iron.  I'm prescribing you medication to help you with that and we will monitor your levels daily," he said.
     That knocked the wind out of my sails a little.
     "Okay.  Do you know when my next therapy session is?" I asked.
     "I will check for you right now and have your nurse give you the date," he said.
     "Thank you," I said.
     "No problem.  It's the least I can do just try to get as much rest as you can; I know it's hard in here.  And keep doing what you've been doing.  Have a good day!" he said as he was opening the door.
     I have a mountain to climb all by myself and, even after I get back on my feet, I have more everyday challenges.  But, I am strong and independent...

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Almost There...

     My therapy sessions became as sporadic as my chances of getting a hot meal.  When I first started, it was a very pleasant and well organized woman that showed up.  Then, after the first couple of times, it was random therapists with different styles and methods.  They would show up when I least expected them.  Most of the time, I would have been waiting for them and already decided they weren’t going to show up.  It’s at that point that I would allow myself to drift off and then….. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!   
“Hello, I am here for your therapy session today!” the person at the door explained.  With my eyes barely open, I sat up and prepared myself for a workout.  “Did I catch you at a bad time?” she asked. 
“Nope” I said as I tried to shake off that groggy, sleepy feeling.  “What are we gonna do today?” I asked. 
She paused for a minute as though she was surveying the room.  “Hmmm… how are your legs feeling today?” she asked.
 I started moving my legs around to check and see.  “My legs feel okay other than that little numbness kind of feeling that I had for some time now” I told her.   The numbness didn’t hurt at all but it was quite uncomfortable.  The doctor had told me that it was coming from having too much zinc in my bloodstream.  I also read that it could be a side effect of one of the drugs that I was taking.
“Alright, I want you to try and stand up by using the walker as your support.  When you get on your feet, I want you to see how far you can walk without relying on the walker.  I will be beside you if you need support” she informed me.
I rose to my feet and she pulled the walker from in front of me.  I slowly started walking towards the other end of the room.  She was walking close by just in case.  It felt good to start getting some of my independence back.  The bacteria really attacked me and made me extremely week.  During all of the previous therapy sessions, I could feel myself getting stronger and stronger.  I knew that I wouldn’t be stable until I gained some weight back and strengthen my muscles.
“This feels good” I said.  I walked more confidently and for longer periods than before.  The progression was definitely a great sign.  I began to have less doubt about whether I would be able to regain my abilities.  The new question that I asked myself was when.
By the time that we were through, I had a really good therapy session.  I was so relieved because now I wouldn’t be a total burden on my mom when I am eventually released.  I have actually come a long way since being admitted.  I was on oxygen but no more.  I had two IV’s pumping me full of fluids but now there’s only one.  I could barely move my legs and now I’m walking with little assistance.  I also used to take about 30 pills everyday and now it’s down to about 15.  I am supposed to see the doctor tomorrow and find out what’s standing in the way of my release now…

Monday, April 16, 2012

Just A Thought....

     So why would someone want to destroy your faith and hope that there is actually a better tomorrow?  Why would someone want to shatter any goals or dreams to which you might aspire?  Nothing is impossible to achieve if you want it!  There are ways out of bad situations and there are definitely better ways of life.  Don't get caught in a rut where you settle for less than you want and need due to complacency or giving up.  There is always a better tomorrow.  Someone that doesn't want you to improve is scared that when you do, you will realize you are so much better and move on.

Thursday, April 12, 2012


     I would like to speak on a subject that is hardly ever talked about but prevalent in a lot of households and workplaces...VERBAL ATTACKS!  A verbal attack is when you verbally highlight every insecurity and fault that a person has, in order to hurt them, due to the fact of being hurt by them.  Although it is nothing to be proud of, I am man enough to admit that I verbally attacked one of the best people to come into my life, a dear close friend, and a person that I still need.  It was nothing that was planned and definitely nothing that was enjoyed.  There is absolutely no excuse for such behavior!  However, there are a few reasons that I won't get into here.  Just recently, I have exhibited some very uncharacteristic behavior.  I am more patient, understanding, and loyal than most; however, what I have been dealing with privately, would test the psyche of even the Dalai Lama himself.  Because of these devilish verbal attacks, I let my mouth jeopardize/ruin something extremely beautiful.  It is very unfortunate that things transpired the way they did.  Years of built up frustration, witnessing illogical choices and the complete unwillingness to be in a better, healthier situation, completely broke me down.  Whether we realize it or not, we can wind up in a horrible situation and stay for 10 plus years.  When I say horrible, I don't mean appearance wise but the underlinings would definitely rival those of a Hollywood horror.  I am not gonna sugar coat anything here.  If we are in a situation where we are not completely happy as we should be and, we know that within this situation we will NEVER be happy or none of our dreams will come true, then that is horrible state to put upon our precious mind.  Now throw in numerous infidelities. All beautiful words like DREAMS and FAITH and HOPE go out of the window.  I had a companion in such a situation.  I supplied all of the support, comfort, feelings, love and friendship to help overcome this obstacle yet it failed to register.  I am a logical person, and maybe that's a fault but I cannot understand that for the life of me.  I am willing to admit my faults.  I am very loyal!  I am very expressive!  I am very logical!  I am very confident!  I have been called too nice a guy on several occasions.  And I am, without any doubt in my mind and many others, the BEST friend you can possibly have...  Yet I felt helpless, scared, unloved, unappreciated and second rate.  Yes, I said it!  I am a man that still acts, dresses and knows for certain that I am a man but i can admit having different feelings and emotions.  The whole point of this note is to admit my short comings in all of this and not hide from a few bad actions.  I won't ever pretend like I did nothing wrong just as I won't pretend like I don't still want, need, or miss my beautiful companion.  I hope that she finds the courage and the resolve to get out of that situation and somehow she could hear these words and know that I am TRULY sorry.  Should any emergency or uncomfortable situation arise, then I am always here just like a mighty lighthouse!  People please try to refrain from verbal attacks.

Thursday, April 5, 2012


     Early on, I knew that I had all of the ingredients to succeed in life.  I was academically gifted so good grades in school were very easy to come by.  I was athletically talented so I was just as good, most of the time, better than my peers.  I was blessed with good genes (thanks MOM) so I had a look and natural charm about me that excited most women.....

Sunday, March 11, 2012


We ALL experience adversity in our lives at some time or another.  However, some people do more than others.  Adversity is defined as a state or instance of serious or continued difficulty.  One of the biggest things that make is all unique is how we handle stressful or difficult situations or conditions.  Even though we may have difficulties in life, we must maintain our POSITIVE personal relationships. Not ONLY when we feel good but, maybe more importantly, when we don't.  Why add indifference and uncomfortable situations to the unfortunate things out of our control?  Those POSITIVE relationships can be very fulfilling and help us through those rough times. 
     Don't take things or people for granted!  It's inevitable to loose things or people that are taken for granted.  Whether it's your health or personal relationships, we need to appreciate all of the good that we have.  Once you find something or someone that you want, then you should treat them like you want them.  It's just the beginning.  Even couples that have been together for 50 years still should find ways to express their love and treat one another in a way that reminds them why they fell in love in the first place.  If you really love, cherish, and respect someone, then it should come easy to have a positive and healthy relationship as long as you BOTH want things to grow and flourish. 
     It doesn't make you less of a person or soft or needy or any other adjective with negative implications, to show your feelings, your love, or your desire for them.  It only enhances your relationship! All of that comes with maturity and part of it comes through experience.  Having seen negative relationships, you should know better how to treat positive ones!  Remember maturity doesn't just come with age alone. 
     Just because you now have a comfort level with them, it doesn't mean it's time to forget everything that got you there.  Don't drastically change how you relate to each other unless it is absolutely unavoidable.  For example, if you are in an accident and loose the use of your legs, then you can't go running with them everyday like before.  If you do change, then there are naturally going to be concerns.  Concern is a sign of caring and wanting things to improve.  Why would you think that someone that TRULY loves you is attacking you? You might want to ignore concerns because it seems easier or simply for the fact that it will expose some of your short comings.  That won't help you and it definitely won't help the person with concerns.  ALWAYS solve issues or disputes no matter how big or small. If you feel they are small or insignificant, then they should be really EASY to solve.  Remember you too will have concerns or issues that you will like addressed and solved one day.  As simple as it sounds, you can never go wrong if you treat others the way you want to be treated.
     How do you feel when you know you are wanted and desired?  Well,  that same feeling holds true for your partner.   Now, adversely, how does it feel to go unappreciated and unwanted?  It's important to make time to do the things and address each other the same as you did to get you to the COMFORT ZONE that you now enjoy.  Everything that you both did between each other, created and developed the feelings that you share today.  Again, realizing and acting on all of that knowledge comes with maturity.
     Adversity will always be present in our lives but there's no guarantee that our loved ones will.  We must not be afraid to respect, cherish, and show our love for each other.  Hopefully, we want to hold on to positive relationships and are mature and wise enough to accept and realize how to improve our relationships.  Keep the interest and desire going that started the whole thing and you will be fine.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Grown and Sexy

     What is grown and sexy to you? Grown and sexy to me is many things.  By definition, grown means being more mature and wiser than the youngins and sexy means to provoke sexual interest.  The older you get, hopefully the more grounded and in tune you are with your own needs, wants, and desires.  In order to have a successful relationship, you must also be in tune with your partner’s needs, wants, and desires.  Selfish goes out the window when relating to your mate.  The reason that people are selfish is to make sure that they get what they want and are taken care of.  Well, if you are in a grown and sexy relationship, then your partner has your best interests in the forefront so all that is unnecessary.  Grown and sexy is….
1.    Knowing past mistakes that were made and having the determination, no matter how it makes you look, not to make the same mistakes.
2.    Being done with all the games and tail chasing that adds more barriers and destroys the relationship from the inside out.
3.    Being able to be supportive and encouraging to that special person in your life at all times.
4.    Having the foresight to identify and recognize potential problems before they happen and doing what you can to prevent them from happening.
5.    The ability to have a monogamous and committed relationship with that one special person.
6.    Having the ability to excite, stimulate, and thrill your mate mentally and in the bedroom not just today but every day.

     Hopefully, the older we get also means the wiser we get.  In order to be grown and sexy you must first be ready to be happy and want a better social environment.  You must recognize not only the pitfalls but what cause them to occur and be able to prevent them from happening.  If there is something small you can do to prevent something major from happening then do it for the greater good.  Knowing your partners needs, wants, and desires should help you be more likely to provide the support necessary to maintain peace and happiness.  Keep it grown and sexy!