Chapter 19

Bunny bunny where art thou...?
All of the day to day stressers have started piling up; from worrying about having a warm meal to eat to being cold enough to shiver under the covers to not knowing if I will walk again to wanting to hold the woman that I love in my arms once and for all.  It has eaten away at me slowly but surely.  I remain as upbeat and as positive as I can.  I wish I could see my baby.  She has been there for me through many difficult situations and, no matter what, we kept it together.  Although I don't care for the turmoil nor the drama, it shows me that THIS is not one dimensional.  This can actually work!  I think she can feel when I really need her or think about her because of past occurrences.  There had been times when she has told me that she had a dream and either I had a similar dream or I called her the next day or something.  It's crazy! Talk about being in tune with someone.  We have never done the deed; however, we have had some really "interesting" video conversations.  Ah hem...  Anyway, I am in the hospital and I don't want to call her and say hey I'm in the hospital.  I'm really really sick and i can't walk.  And, oh yeah, I love you but I gotta go cause a nurse is gonna change my IV out.  That's not how I want it to go down.  Right about then my nurse knocked on the door.  "Hello Ricky! What's up?" she asked.  "Oh nothing much just partying and having a good time," I answered.  "I am here to bring your pills and to give you a shot," she explained.  "When is it gonna stop?  My stomach is sore from therapy and all the needles that y'all stick in me," I said.  "I know but look," she said as she tried to grab some fat on my stomach.  "What?" I asked.  "If you had some meat on you then it wouldn't hurt so bad," she said.  "Hey, I lost quite a bit of weight.  Besides, normally I have a flat stomach because I stay in shape," I responded.  She watched me swallow the 13 pills that I was given and then she gripped a needle, full of blood thinner, in her hand.  She raised it about six inches above my abs and then stuck me with one continuous stroke.  "Ouch!" I yelled.  That never feels good.  "Okay now I will be back after doing my rounds and I will bring you some ice and a sandwich.  Do you need anything else?" my nurse asked.  "Nope and thanks," I said.  When she left the room, my mind wandered and I thought about my bunny.  I had some dirty thoughts and I remembered all of the sexy conversations that we shared.  It really turned me on.  It had been a long time since I had that "feeling" and I thought about doing something about it.  However, there was no privacy.  Should I do it anyway?

Chapter 18

Who's Missing You....?
As I lay here in bed, I am thinking of three things: What got me here? Where am I headed? and Who am I missing?  I don't have an answer for two out of the three right now; however, one I know for sure.  Who am I missing?  Where do I begin?  Unless you have had that euphoric feeling that smacks you in the face and makes you take notice; the one that stimulates your senses all with one harmonious AAHHH moment, then you might find it hard to understand.  I have a very unexpected crush on my best friend and I am just figuring it out.  I hope that I survive all of this so I can tell her and give her a long, passionate kiss that will rival those of Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams in that movie "The Notebook".  It is said that the endorphins produced by kissing are over 200 times more powerful than morphine.  Well...after we embrace, she is gonna be addicted to my lips!  Now back to reality...  There was a knock at the door.  "Hello Ricky! How are you feeling today?" asked doctor Stevens.  I was still day dreaming about her and it was reflected in my response.  "I am feeling great!" I replied.  I can't wait to tell her everything about how I feel and what she means to me.  "Ricky I stopped by today to tell you that the lab has concluded that your right lung has also been infected with TB.  Since you have been on medication, the good news is that it shouldn't spread.  Your body is getting slammed from all directions right now but we can fight this" the doctor told me.  I was so into my sweetie that I forgot about the possibility of never talking to her again.  We had an argument the last time we spoke and she has no idea that I am even in the hospital.  Nobody ever really wins in an argument and, most of the time, what you argue about is never as important as having the other person in your life.  Right now, nothing rings truer....

Chapter 17

Put One Foot In Front Of The Other...
Losing the ability to walk was one of the hardest things that I ever had to swallow in my life.  There were several steps to getting back to where I was before TB took control.  First, I would have to kill all of the bacteria inside my body.  Then, repair all of the damage and get back to a healthy weight.  After that, I need to rebuild and strengthen my muscles.  Lastly, I will have to learn to walk again.  Whew!  That's a tall order but I know I can do it.  Since I have been taking medication for about a month now, the bacteria is well on it's way to being wiped out.  Getting back to my fighting weight and strengthening my muscles will be an ongoing journey.  Now walking on the other hand...  There was a knock at the door and it slowly opened.  "Hello Ricky, my name is Carla and I am gonna be one of your physical therapists.  So can you move your legs at all?" Carla asked.  "Hey Carla, I can't move them off the side of the bed without assistance but I can move them around a little," I said.  "Okay, no problem.  We are gonna come three times a week and see if we can't get you walking again.  I am gonna start you off with some leg exercises today and next time I will see what you can do with a walker," she said.  Damn a walker.  I never thought about that part of therapy.  Am I gonna be handicapped for the rest of my life?  "Okay, let's do it.  I will do whatever it takes to walk normally again," I said.  She adjusted the bed so I was laying flat and she moved all of the covers off of my legs.  She had me do individual leg raises.  My legs would shake uncontrollably because my muscles were  pretty weak. I did as much as I could. We continued with a couple more leg exercises until my muscles gave out.  Oh man, that was a good workout.  I can feel it in my abs and my thighs," I explained.  "That's good. I want you to do these on your own but don't over do it.  That's all we are gonna do today. Do you need anything today?" asked Carla.  "Nope I am good.  Thank you for a good session," I told her.  "You are welcome and don't worry cause this will be a process.  Don't expect too much too soon," she said.  After giving me a few more words of encouragement, she said bye and walked out of the door.  About that time, my nurse returned to give me my evening dose of pills.  "I'm back and i have your meds," the chocolate bandit said.  "Oh goodie.  How are things going out there?" I asked.  "It's pretty busy.  I think your night nurses will only have 10 patients to care for tonight," she added.  "Oh is that all?" I asked sarcastically.  "After you finish your pills, I have your blood thinner too," she said.  My blood thinner comes in the form of a shot until the levels are high enough in my blood for me to take the pill.  It came in a tiny needle; however, the shot had to be given in my stomach.  My body fat percentage was always low plus throw in the fact that I lost weight and ouch.  Right in the abs twice a day.  I felt like a pin cushion.  "Okay I am ready Lisa.  Please be gentle," I pleaded.

Chapter 16

How Many Nurses Does It Take To...

While in ONLY a hospital gown and all sickly, I wasn't feeling my most attractive.  When it came to personal hygiene, I wasn't really on top of my game for a couple different reasons.  One being the fact that I just lacked the motivation to groom.  Another being the fact that I didn't have the energy to stand for very long so having a lot of comfortable mirror time was out of the question. 

As it turned out, there were quite a few nurses working at the hospital who were students at one of the local colleges.  I guess it was sort of like a residency program or something.  Either way, I didn't mind some of the scenery.  Like I said before, if you have to get some personalized health care, then it is definitely more pleasant coming from a woman.  Let's do the nurses shuffle....  "Hello Ricky!  My name is Tammy and I am gonna be one of your day time nurses.  I never worked with you but I heard about you," she said.  I was a little bit confused but okay maybe I heard it wrong.  She was a youthful looking, average sized black woman with a nice smile.  I could tell that I was getting better because I gave her the head-to-toe once over.  Let's just say baby's got back.  "Hello Tammy!" I said.  "Are you currently in any pain?" she asked.  "Nope not at all," I answered.  She proceeded to take my vital signs.  When the machine stopped she had a concerned look on her face.  "Now why is your heart rate so high?" the nurse asked.  "I don't know.  I haven't been moving around much," I responded.  She paused for a moment and had a big smile on her face.  "See you were supposed to say because I am near you," nurse Tammy said.  All I could do is laugh because she was right.  I would have never missed that opening if I was on top of my game.  "Yeah, I must be slippin," I replied.  "Okay well I am gonna go finish my rounds.  Do you need anything else?" Tammy asked.  "Yes I need some ice and some juice please," I told her.  She acknowledged what I said and continued straightening up the room.  "All right mister man I will be back with your stuff.  I wonder what you look like all shaved up?  Do you have your razor here?" she asked.  By this time, I had not shaved nor cut my hair for about a month and a half so it was pretty long.  "No I don't have it," I said.  "Hmm...just a thought.  Bye Ricky!" she said as she walked out the door.  Over the years, I had gotten used to a certain amount of attention so it felt good; almost normal.  I am gonna have fun with this.  I got to remember to ask my mom to bring my clippers up here the next time she comes for a visit.  Suddenly, there was a kncok at the door.  There was a very petit brunette wearing a hospital uniform; however, I could tell she wasn't a nurse.  She had a minimal amount of make up on and a very big smile.  "Hello Ricky Kendall?" she asked.

Chapter 15

Eeny Meeny Miny Mo....

Along with the CAT scan, doctor Stevens wanted another chest x-ray.  I guess enough time had passed to see if the infection had started clearing up.  Before he told me that my right lung had quite a bit of infection.  Okay, let's see if all of these pills have been doing any good.  My room door swung open...  "I can't believe this.  I don't need this crap.  My mom is sick and I need this job," nurse Angela said.  Oh no, here we go; Miss congeniality.  "Good morning Angela! What's wrong?" I asked.  "Why don't they ever take these trays out before they leave?  They need to empty out this trash too," she added.  "I couldn't tell you," I said.  "You got to let them know Ricky," she insisted.  Again I am not on the payroll and, in an effort not to tell her off, I bit my tongue.  She continued running around the room , slowing down only to take my vitals.  And just like that, she was gone.  There was a knock at the door.  Two x-ray technicians were at the door.  Since I was in isolation, my doctor had them bring a machine to my room.  I thought it was pretty cool because I didn't want to be wheeled downstairs.  It took longer for them to fit the machine through the door than it did to take the x-ray.  Now, all I had to do is wait on the doctor.  The CAT scan showed that there was a blood clot in one lung but the ultrasound didn't show any more in my legs.  It's funny how things work out.  Again, had I been discharged,  I would not have known about the blood clot until it was too late.  ALWAYS trust your instincts!  I saw doctor Stevens through the window.  I wonder what the verdict is?  He entered the room.  "Hello Ricky. Are you in any pain?" he asked.  "Nope I don't have any pain; just the numbness in my feet and lower legs," I stated.  "Okay, I had a chance to look at your x-ray.  And... the original infection in your right lung appears to be clearing up; however, your left lung has a few spots now.  Do you think you will be able to cough up some phlegm?" he asked.  "Probably not because I haven't even coughed much this whole time," I told him.  "Scratch that.  I am gonna order another broncoscope so they can go into your left lung and take a tissue sample," he decided.  "Okay so now both lungs are infected?" I asked.  "Well, I wanna take a sample to see exactly what's going on in there," he explained.  At this rate, I am gonna have to spend my birthday and Thanksgiving in a hospital bed.  Who knows maybe even Christmas.  I can't wait until I can get around good enough that I don't have to depend on a nurse to use the bathroom.  Sometimes I sat on the pot for 30 minutes or more waiting on assistance.  My physical therapy starts tomorrow so I have my fingers crossed.  I can do this, I can do this...