One of the scariest and most humiliating things that came out of my hospital stay was the fact that I did not have total control of my bodily functions. It did not help that I lost the use of my legs. I felt so helpless and embarrassed to have to ask for help to use the bathroom. The nurse would have to bring me a bed pan. It was a very unpleasant experience. The bed pan was a hard plastic little cup just big enough to surround my business area. It was raised so when it was put underneath my butt, and I rested on it, the plastic seemed like it was digging into my skin. I had to call for a nurse to take it when I was done. The most unnerving part of the exchange was when I had to have her wipe my butt. I just wanted to die! That was the most vulnerable that I had ever been in my life. At this stage, I hadn't been diagnosed so I was left to wonder. I felt alone and ashamed. I knew it wasn't my fault yet I couldn't control where my mind took it. Nurse Paula came in as she always did with a big smile and friendly face. "The doctor wants you to go get a chest x-ray today," she announced. I had a puzzled look on my face. "Am I going to go in a wheel chair?," I asked. "Nope, you are gonna be wheeled down there on a stretcher and they are gonna bring you back when you are done," she explained. "Alright then let's do it," I replied. A guy from the transport section came and they moved me over to the stretcher he brought with him. Just like that, I was off. When I arrived at the x-ray room, I noticed that it was quite chilly so I pulled the blankets over me. I had to wait on the technician so I was just laying there. The guy that brought me told them to call him when I was ready and then he left the room. I started to get that dreaded sensation so I called out for assistance. "I need to go pee!," I screamed. It took a while for someone to come out of the booth. "What was that?," the technician asked. "Do you have a cup or jar that I can pee in because I can't hold it?," I asked urgently. "Let me check," she said. "Please hurry," I pleaded. As soon as she went to look, it was too late. Ah man, I just pissed my pants. How humiliating! All I could do is wish that I was somewhere else and hope that I could go run and hide. I am gonna have to tell this woman that I pissed my pants.