More Of Chapter 2

One of the scariest and most humiliating things that came out of my hospital stay was the fact that I did not have total control of my bodily functions.  It did not help that I lost the use of my legs.  I felt so helpless and embarrassed to have to ask for help to use the bathroom.  The nurse would have to bring me a bed pan.  It was a very unpleasant experience.  The bed pan was a hard plastic little cup just big enough to surround my business area.  It was raised so when it was put underneath my butt, and I rested on it, the plastic seemed like it was digging into my skin.  I had to call for a nurse to take it when I was done.  The most unnerving part of the exchange was when I had to have her wipe my butt.  I just wanted to die!  That was the most vulnerable that I had ever been in my life.  At this stage, I hadn't been diagnosed so I was left to wonder. I felt alone and ashamed.  I knew it wasn't my fault yet I couldn't control where my mind took it.  Nurse Paula came in as she always did with a big smile and friendly face.  "The doctor wants you to go get a chest x-ray today," she announced.  I had a puzzled look on my face.  "Am I going to go in a wheel chair?," I asked.  "Nope, you are gonna be wheeled down there on a stretcher and they are gonna bring you back when you are done," she explained.  "Alright then let's do it," I replied.  A guy from the transport section came and they moved me over to the stretcher he brought with him.  Just like that, I was off.  When I arrived at the x-ray room, I noticed that it was quite chilly so I pulled the blankets over me.  I had to wait on the technician so I was just laying there.  The guy that brought me told them to call him when I was ready and then he left the room.  I started to get that dreaded sensation so I called out for assistance.  "I need to go pee!," I screamed.  It took a while for someone to come out of the booth.  "What was that?," the technician asked.  "Do you have a cup or jar that I can pee in because I can't hold it?," I asked urgently.  "Let me check," she said.  "Please hurry," I pleaded.  As soon as she went to look, it was too late.  Ah man, I just pissed my pants.  How humiliating!  All I could do is wish that I was somewhere else and hope that I could go run and hide.  I am gonna have to tell this woman that I pissed my pants.